More on Uncle ”Gordon” March 23, 2007
Posted by larryt in Blogroll, Jokes, Lifestyle, Rant and Rave, Scams.add a comment
A young man named Gordon bought a donkey from an old farmer for £100.00
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, but when the
farmer drove up he said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news… the donkey
is on my truck, but unfortunately he’s dead.”
Gordon replied, “Well then, just give me my money back.”
The farmer said, “I can’t do that, because I’ve spent it already.”
Gordon said, “OK then, well just unload the donkey anyway.”
The farmer asked, “What are you going to do with him?”
Gordon answered, “I’m going to raffle him off.”
To which the farmer exclaimed, “Surely you can’t raffle off a dead
donkey!”
But Gordon, with a wicked smile on his face said, “Of course I can,
you watch me. I just won’t bother to tell anybody that he’s dead.”
A month later the farmer met up with Gordon and asked, “What
happened with that dead donkey?”
Gordon said, “I raffled him off, sold 500 tickets at two pounds a
piece, and made a huge, fat profit!!”
Totally amazed, the farmer asked, “Didn’t anyone complain that you
had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?”
To which Gordon replied, “The only guy who found out about the
donkey being dead was the raffle winner when he came to claim his prize. So
I gave him his £2 raffle ticket money back plus an extra £200, which as you
know is double the going rate for a donkey, so he thought I was a great
guy!!”
Gordon grew up and eventually became the Chancellor of the
Exchequer, and no matter how many times he lied, or how much money he stole
from the British voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen
money, most of them, unfortunately, still thought he was a great guy ***
The moral of this story is that, if you think Gordon is about to
play fair and do something for the everyday people of the country for once
in his miserable, lying life, think again my friend, because you’ll be
better off flogging a dead donkey!
There is a moral to this story…… March 22, 2007
Posted by larryt in Blogroll, Jokes.9 comments
This is a story about
A Fly, a Fish, a Bear
A Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.
There is a moral to this story……
(Maybe not the one most of you expect….So, read on!)
In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream.
The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular,
“Gosh…if I go d own three inches I will feel the
mist from the water and I will be refreshed.”
There was a fish in the water thinking,
“Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches,
I can eat him.”
There was a bear on the shore thinking,
“Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches
that fish will jump for the fly…and I will grab the fish!!”
It also happened that a hunter was farther
up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a
cheese sandwich….
“Gosh,” he thought, “if that fly goes down three inches…And that fish leaps for it…That bear will expose himself and grab for the fish.
I’ll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.”
Now, you probably think this is Enough activity on one river bank,
but I can tell you there’s more….
A wee mouse by the hunter’s foot was thinking,
“Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches…
And that fish jumps for that fly..
And that bear grabs for that fish..
The dumb hunter will shoot the bear
And drop his cheese sandwich.”
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this
scene and thought,
(as was fashionable to do on the banks of This particular river around lunch time)
“Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches..
And that fish jumps for that fly ..
And that bear grabs for that fish
And that hunter shoots that bear..
And that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich.
Then I can have mouse for lunch.”
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he
Heads down for the cooling mist of the water.
The fish swallows the fly…
The bear grabs the fish…
The hunter shoots the bear.. .
The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich…
The cat jumps for the mouse…
The mouse ducks…
The cat falls into the water and drowns.
NOW, The Moral Of The Story….
Whenever a fly goes down three inches,
Some pussy is gonna be in serious danger!
Uncle (Joe) Gordon Brown at it again (4×4 Tax) March 21, 2007
Posted by larryt in Blogroll, My 4x4 Site, Rant and Rave.add a comment
Taxes increased on gas-guzzling cars
Wed Mar 21, 2007 1:56PM GMT
LONDON (Reuters) – The government raised taxes on the most polluting cars on Wednesday in an effort to entice drivers away from gas-guzzling vehicles which damage the environment.
Chancellor Gordon Brown said in his 11th and probably last budget the excise duty on heavily polluting vehicles would rise to 300 pounds from 210 pounds in 2007 and again to 400 pounds in 2008.
The duty on more environmentally friendly cars such as the hybrid Toyota Prius was frozen at 30 pounds.
Brown, who is expected to succeed Prime Minister Tony Blair in coming months, last raised vehicle excise duty in March 2006 but ignored pleas from environmentalists for a further hike in the pre-budget report in December.
Political parties have been vying for the environmental spotlight in part to tap into growing public concern about the dangers of climate change.
More Articles at www.ilove4×4.com
HEART SURGEONS FUNERAL March 20, 2007
Posted by larryt in Blogroll, Jokes.add a comment
One of the city’s top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin
was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses.
When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their goodbyes, the
large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed
again. It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist. Suddenly,
one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.
Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, “Why are
you laughing, Mister?”
“I was just thinking about my own funeral,” the man replied, “I’m a
gynaecologist”…
Geordies Are Not Stupid March 16, 2007
Posted by larryt in Blogroll, Jokes.add a comment
53,000 Geordies meet in St James Park for a “Geordies Are Not Stupid”> convention.>
> Alan Shearer addresses the crowd “We are all here today to prove to > the world that Geordies are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please, > Gazza gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.>
> Shearer asks him “What is 15 plus 15?” After 15 or 20 seconds Gazza > says, “Eighteen!”>
> Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Geordies start > chanting “Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”>
> Shearer says “Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press > and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance.>
> So he asks “What is 5 plus 5?” After nearly 30 seconds he eventually > says,”> Ninety?”>
> Shearer looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh.>
> Everyone is disheartened and Gazza starts crying.>
> But then the 53,000 Geordies begin to yell and wave their hands > shouting “GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!”>
> Shearer, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good>
> Eventually says, “What is 2 plus 2?”>
> Silence hangs over the stadium. Gazza closes his eyes, and after a > whole minute eventually says, “Four?”>
> Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Geordie crowd > stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and > scream………………>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> “GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!”>
THE FLATTENED ‘FROG’ March 16, 2007
Posted by larryt in Blogroll, Jokes, Uncategorized.add a comment
THE FLATTENED ‘FROG’
Smart Kid!!
|
He came to a house of ill repute, and knocked on the door. When the Madam The Madam figured, what the hell, so she told him to come in. Once in, she Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and He said, “Well, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant |
A Pair of Chickens March 14, 2007
Posted by larryt in Blogroll, Jokes.add a comment
A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, ‘Buk Buk BUK.’ The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them…and the chickens leave shortly thereafter. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,’ Buk Buk BuKKOOK!’ The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, ‘Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!’ The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them. She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, “Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit…”
White House Adds Eight Inches To White House Fence March 14, 2007
Posted by larryt in Uncategorized.add a comment
White House Adds Eight Inches To White House Fence
WASHINGTON, DC—Citing a need for heightened national security measures, President Bush had eight inches added to the 12-foot fence that surrounds his residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
“The president has always been a staunch advocate of domestic security, and this brave decision says to any potential burglar that if you want to get into his house, you are going to have an extra eight inches of fence to contend with,” said White House press secretary Tony Snow at a news briefing Monday, adding that the president will also leave the television and the lights on every time he and the first lady go out. “In addition, the president got another guard dog, and, from now on, the garage doors will always be closed.”
While Snow denied rumors that the Bushes were considering moving to a safer nearby suburb, he confirmed that the new “This White House Protected By A Homeland Security System” sign on the front lawn is indeed just a clever deterrent.
Psychiatric Hotline March 13, 2007
Posted by larryt in Blogroll, Jokes.add a comment
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer. If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random. If you are phobic, don’t press anything. If you are anal retentive, please hold.
Mother’s Day Joke March 13, 2007
Posted by larryt in Blogroll, Jokes.add a comment
USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?”
